Effective communication is THE most important asset you can get if you want to be heard and express your needs and desires, not only during sex, but also for your whole life. Here is five tools to help you communicate better and have all your wishes granted (almost all…).
TOOL NUMBER 1: DEDICATE TIME
If you want to have effective communication with your partner, you need to dedicate a specific time to it.
Why are most of arguments and ineffective communication happening? Because they take place in an environment when one of the partner is not ready to fully open. It may be because they are tired from work, because they have troubles with their family, or they want to be left alone for a moment.
When you set up a time during the day specifically for the topic you want to talk about, you are sure that both of you will have full attention to it and that you can trust the other to be their to listen to you.
Practical exercise: when you want to have an important conversation with your partner (sharing a fantasy for example), agreed for a specific day and time, and book at least 30 minutes for that conversation. Switch off your phones and get rid of all the external sources of disturbance. Get this ”talking date” at least once a week to ensure a clear and open communication in the relationship.
TOOL NUMBER 2: LISTEN!
To be able to have your needs met and your questions answered, you will have to express them to your partner and to listen to them attentively.
Active listening is a very valuable skill. Be fully present when your partner is talking to you, encourage them to develop their idea with affirmative nods and encouraging words.
The one thing NOT TO DO is interrupting them, even if you disagree. By letting them talk, you will show respect and you will set up a container for them to fully let go and express themselves. By letting your partner talk and not interrupting them, you are setting the example so that when it will be your time to talk, they will be more likely to do the same.
Practical exercise: When you and your partner are talking, make sure that you are not interrupting them when they talk. For important matters, set up a dedicate time with an alarm (five minutes for example) for each one of you to talk without being interrupted, then switch.
TOOL NUMBER 3: PAUSE AND BE SILENT
“Silence is a source of Great Strength.” Lao Tzu
In our constantly hectic world and lives, we do not often have the time to enjoy silence. And it is a shame, because a lot of information can be pass and discover during that time.
When your partner tell you something that is important for them, take few seconds to let it sink in your mind and stay quiet. Doing so, you will have more time for introspection and you will be able to answer not just with raw emotions but also with logic. Silence can also be a great tool for you to reinforce the importance of a point you want to make.
During and after sex, there may be some time when your partner or you want to be quiet. Enjoy the present moment and enjoy all the emotions and feelings going on at that time.
Practical exercise: practice being silent during conversations and intimate moments. Once every few love-making session, simply be with your partner without talking, and focus on what you are feeling at this moment.
TOOL NUMBER 4: USE ''I'' INSTEAD OF ''YOU''
Talking to the first person will have a major impact on how efficiently you will have your desires answered and how to avoid arguments.
By using ”I”, you are taking ownership, and not putting the responsibility of the fact you are discussing on your partner. You are also giving insights to your partner on how you feel inside, and this is very important because they can’t guess that feeling unless you tell them.
For example, if you were to say ”you never take the trash out”, you are blaming your partner without giving them any logical reason. But by saying ”I feel let down because I come home and the trash is full”, you give the opportunity to your partner to realize (maybe for the first time) what this fact may make you feel.
Even more, if you were to add ”I would love you to do that for me because it would make me feel loved and cared”, you put even more weight into your state of being, giving them a reason to do it.
Practical exercise: use the pronoun ”I” as much as you can during important conversation. Express how you feel, what you want for yourself and also what you would like your partner to do by using ”I”.
This is a great tool to avoid arguments because that way you will be less likely blaming the other.
TOOL NUMBER 5: USE YOUR BODY
Did you know that your words were not the most important factor in communication?
Your most powerful tool to communicate is your body! Your body language is decisive to pass the emotions you want to express.
Regarding sex, you want to transpire confidence and attractiveness through your gesture. Standing tall, being sensual, with ”lust” in your eyes will do magic to turn your partner on without using words.
By avoiding gestures that ”close you off” and by showing more opening ones, you will reinforce your desire to connect and your partner will naturally be more incline to share conversations and intimate moments with you.
Practical exercise: avoid arms and legs crossing when you are listening to your partner. Use open hand gestures and open arms when you want to express your desires, smile, and use a soft and sensual tone of voice to ignite love-making sessions.
Here you go, five effective tools to communicate better and have your desired fulfilled. Great communication comes with practice, so make sure you dedicate time to it every week with your partners to make your relationship even better!